Barack Obama should not have released his birth certificate.

Today President Obama publicly released his birth certificate, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt he's an American citizen. This would have been understandable if his citizenship was actually in question - but it wasn't. Just because a gaggle of ignorant racists and a rich pile of crap question something, that doesn't mean there's actually a real controversy. The issue of Barack Obama's citizenship has never been in question and, even if it had been, he dispelled any doubt two and a half years ago when he released his Certificate of Live Birth to the media. But you can't satisfy an idiot. So for the last two years there has been a small but vocal group of mouth breathers demanding the President provide his "real" birth certificate and today he did just that.

Is this going to make a difference? I don't think it's cynical of me to say I doubt it. I'm sure there will be a few jackasses who are silenced, but this entire movement is based on the racist notion that because he's black and has a funny name, President Obama cannot be "one of us". When you're dealing with a belief that's fueled by hate and rooted in the absolute denial of undeniable fact you can't expect logic, evidence and reason to win out. Just hours after the surprise unveiling of the certificate, billionaire presidential hopeful bandwagon Birther and all around turd sandwich, Donald Trump held his own press conference taking full credit for this non-revelation and stating that he still needs to examine the certificate himself.

As a nation we should all be ashamed and embarrassed to live in a society where this level of idiocy is tolerated and legitimized by the media. And by media I'm not just talking about conservative agitprop garbage like Fox "News" and AM talk radio. Today Barack and Michelle Obama inexplicably appeared on Oprah after the announcement and she actually asked him why it took so long to release the certificate. Are you serious, Oprah?! HE RELEASED FEDERALLY APPROVED PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP IN 2008! Asking that question legitimizes the Birther movement's claims. Why wasn't anyone asking John McCain to prove his citizenship? He was born in the Panama Canal, how do I know he's not secretly a drug mule for Panamanian drug traffickers? Short answer: It's because he's a white Republican.

I understand President Obama took this action to derail a gang of ass clowns and try to raise the political discourse back to grown up levels...but I still disagree. Birthers deserve the same treatment that Holocaust deniers and Creationists deserve - ridicule and scorn. If I were the president's media advisor the press conference would have been handled completely differently. First of all I would grant Fox "News" exclusive broadcasting rights provided they broke in with coverage during Glenn Becks soon-to-be-cancelled crapfest of a show. This would all but guarantee low viewership, but decent, normal folks don't need to be bothered with  this nonsense anyway. I would then dress the president in a traditional African dashiki and send him out to address viewers. The speech I would write for him would be short and to the point, something along the lines of:

"Greetings Fox viewers, as you know I'm your president, Barack Hussein Obama. I know many of you did not vote for me in 2008 and those who did were no doubt illiterate. Never the less, I'm here to address you directly regarding your concerns that I'm a secret Kenyan Muslim fascist socialist terrorist. I cannot prove that I'm not a secret Muslim fascist socialist terrorist because, logically, it's impossible to offer evidence of a negative state. But, clearly, logic is not a strong point for you people anyway. What I can prove is that I'm a natural born citizen of these United States. It's true that I released my Certificate of Live Birth over two years ago but many of you remain unconvinced. That being the case, I had my legal council formally request the great state of Hawaii disregard state law and release my long form birth certificate so I could demonstrate, once and for all, you people really do have a brother as a president. Now, there's good news and bad news. The good news is the state government immediately responded to the request. The bad news is I left it under your mom's bed last night. BAM! Asalaam alikum, bitches!"

At this point the president would step out from behind the podium, grab his crotch and thrust at the camera while yelling, "Suck it! Suck it! Suck it! Suck it!" until Fox cut the feed from their end.

This is by no means behavior befitting a president but I feel it's appropriate given the viewing audience and subject matter being addressed. Buffoons should be treated like buffoons.