As far as being an average American goes, I'm a pretty big failure.

I'm 33 years old and I have no desire to own a home, having children seems like a colossal waste of time that would interfere with being selfish and irresponsible and my ideal job would involve blowing things up or travelling around the country eating embarrassing amounts of junk food. I feel like I should be ashamed of these admissions but I'm not. Honestly, the trappings of the typical American adult don't entice me at all.

A house is an expensive anchor that ties you to one location for years - maybe even your entire life. Children, while undeniably adorable at first, quickly turn into rotten teenagers and then adults who stick you in a rest home when you become a burden and sell all your things in a garage sale after you die. As far as work goes, Hell is years spent at a soul destroying job in order to pay off your mortgage and finance your child's binge drinking and useless English degree at Generic State University. These are all responsibilities I neither need nor want.

You could make the argument that I'm simply immature and selfish but I like to think I'm really an enlightened free spirit - loosed from the bonds of biological imperatives like procreation and out of step with traditional Midwestern values. In reality neither of those situations is correct but I'm good at romanticized rationalizations and you're a big 'ol grumpopotamus.

The truth is that I view the nuclear family as a Jenga tower made of interdependent responsibilities which will collapse if just one block is removed: If I don't have kids I don't really need a house for anything. If I don't have a house I'm not tied down to one geographic location so I can lead a more nomadic life. With no kids and no house I have fewer financial responsibilities so I'm free to pursue a career that may be less rewarding financially but offers more personal fulfillment. Or I can work at an awful job that pays a lot and have money to do whatever I want whenever I want. And on and on.

Actually, when I read through that last paragraph it does sound like I'm trying to justify my selfish impulses. Plus, I don't have a special lady to impregnate so I'm getting way ahead of myself anyway. For the time being I think I should stick with my most immediate priorities: Getting less doughy, moving and finding a good job. All that other adult crap can wait.